Why Are the Homeless Homeless – a satire Essay

Published: 2021-06-29 02:08:45
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Jason GaroutteDecember 3, 1996English / Mr. LuntWhy Are the Homeless Homeless?There are many homeless people out on the streets of the large cities inthis great nation. When unemployment still hasnt gotten near zero and newjobs are being created every day, people are starting to ask why there arestill homeless people in the alleys and on the sidewalks of this country. This seems to be an ever haunting problem even though it would be so easy forhomeless people to just get a job.
Lets look at the general requirements forapplying for and keeping a job. All you have to do is have nice clothes tomake a decent impression, a home address and some way to be reached in tightsituations, and a way of getting to work in the morning or night–whicheverthe case may be. That’s it. And I, for one, have reached a solution to thiswidespread laziness. First of all, most homeless people spend their days hunting through trashcans and dumpsters for a piece of sustenance or at least something of value.
If theyre not doing that, they’re begging for spare change on streetcorners. Eventually, one would think that they should be able to afford acouple of respectable suits or other outfits to wear while applying and evenworking for this job of theirs. All they have to do is poke around a littlelonger or beg a little more, and that job would be theirs to enjoy. Keepingthese articles of clothing clean would be difficult, but manageable.
If youcan’t afford a coin operated laundromat (I’m sure there’d be plenty of leftover change from begging), just find some large, clean puddle of water in thestreet to wash things in. As for cleanliness, I’m sure people throw away leftover deodorant or antiperspirant, soap, and other such toiletries to where youcan care of the bathing problem. You dont need to clean your hair, in fact,doing so would rid yourself of the natural oils that build up over time andactually hold your hair style in place. Second, with all the left over money and such, they could go to one ofthose Mailbox Etcetera stores and buy themselves a mailing address. That justmeans they’ll have to cope with eating only what they find in the garbage, andnot spending any of that extra cash on that frivolous fast food, or thathealthy vegetable stuff. Suppose they absolutely need a phone number also.
What’s stopping any of these people from sleeping close to a pay phone? Justrecord the number on the back of your hand (unless you have some nice paperon you) before you head out to the job interview. And if you really want toimpress the boss, give him the number of the pay phone nearest your favoritebegging corner or alley, just in case they cant get a hold of you at thefirst number. None would be the wiser. As for the commuting, all one would have to do is make sure the pay phoneisn’t too far from business. Better yet, sleep in front of the business, neara pay phone, so you can also respond to any requests promptly and efficiently.
It would also give you much more time to sleep while waiting for that firstpaycheck. Now that you must take care of the job and the finding food anddrink in the same twenty-four hour time period, you need all the sleep you canget. Having to commute through miles of busy sidewalk would make you wish youhadn’t opted for a home away from work. All this being on-time and showing upso early would be sure impress the boss, especially if he already wasn’timpressed with your feat of scrounging up the resources to hold this specialoccupation. Now if all this doesnt impress your supervisor, I dont know what will. I know I’d be impressed after learning the amount of time this homeless persontook just to get a reasonable outfit to show up to work with, the hours ofbegging just to get bus fare to another part of the city, and the humilityendured to actually work up the nerve to ask someone fortunate enough to havesome spare change in their pocket if they can spare some so that person canget a bite too eat.
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